I Didn't Want This

The Noise Of Truth

I’m in a season I don’t like. A season I didn’t ask for or see coming and honestly don’t want to walk through. (How very Israelite-like of me.) I’ve shared some of it online, and some I haven’t. Some more I will and some more I won’t. But I’ve shared it all with the only One who can help, and that’s as good a beginning and end as I know to do - seeking the literal Alpha and Omega for the things that bring me to my end.

I don’t remember a season quite like this. There have been hard seasons and sad seasons, but this one feels different - and scary. I know fear is from Satan and I know he’s a liar, thereby making all fear a lie against truth, and real truth - the only Truth - is from God. So, I’m in the day-to-day process of dying to lies and replacing them with truth. A process of wringing my soul out when wringing my hands is worthless.

Six weeks in the Psalms seemed like just a good Bible study to start the year with and now I know it was God throwing me a life-line before I knew I’d be on the verge of drowning. A Bible study entitled “Wait,” sitting on my desk before I knew I was about to be sitting with a period of waiting that may go on for…I don’t know how long.

All of those years hearing the Bible is our “road map,” and believing it, but not digging in and dog-earing it the way a true road map should be. Like the one that was my travel companion for ten years running up and down country lanes and four-lanes before we had GPS that plugged in our cigarette lighters and lit the way from point A to B. I know now the Bible is not just a road map, and actually I don’t think that description does it justice at all. Instead, it’s the intimate story of a God who knows me intimately. The Bible is not about me, even though I can find me in it and you can find you. But only because it’s all about a God who created us in His image. And in Him and in Him alone will we ever find who we are and who we are really meant to be.

I know a lot of “Christian-ese,” but it’s falling deaf on my heart the more my mind tries to speak it to life. I don’t want the keychain small god version anymore for what only Yahweh can help. So, I’ll keep reading His word and finding comfort for my story in the pages of His.

How better do we learn to wait well than by resting in the One who’s promised to be our rest when we are in His presence? I read that promise today in Exodus and it jumped off the page at me. Truth has a way of doing that when we take it at face value. Truth will always scream above the noise if we let it have its voice.

The weight of the waiting suffocates a soul hell-bent on needing an answer now. But all of heaven can’t make God work on our timeline. If we could see the expanse of what He sees and know what He knows, we’d be more inclined to patience. But could we carry the weight of that view? I don’t think so or else He’d share. But we can carry our cross with His help. And trust that because of the Cross we have an eternal weight in glory that far outweighs anything we will be asked to carry here. Thank you, Jesus, for the cross. Thank you, Jesus, for not leaving us alone in the wait.